Stories
User Submitted Stories
Back in ‘Nam, some of the guys in my squad tried using linux. “How hard can it be?” they asked. What happened? Charlie got them. Each and every one of them. While they were trying to find the start menu, BAM! All gone. Makes me sick just thinking about it. Sure we lost a few guys when their gear blue screened, but that is a small price to pay to keep the start menu down where it belongs, in the bottom left of the screen. — command foo
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Cast your stone. Share your stories here. Anything related to Windows and/or Linux.
We’re all ears.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
[story promoted to page -- thanks.]
January 8th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
WTF is this site?
Are you people fucking nuts? Hell, if you want to see an operating system without a start button, use any operating system other than Windows. Mac has an Apple button. Why and Apple button, dear god? Before you bash Linux for NOT BEING WINDOWS, why don’t you take a look at other operating systems that ARE NOT WINDOWS.
January 8th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I LUV MI LYNUX, ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!
./configure anus
./make
./install this shit
3.00#
May 29th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I can’t believe anyone would waste their time actually making this website. Truly one of the dumbest things I’ve seen yet.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:36 am
what a tool.
too scared to use anything but windows. shame really. another dumbass makes an example of himself….
July 5th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Windows is far better at any computing task. It’s secure, easy to use, has far more applications available, requires far less resources to run, has much better screen savers, and costs less ………and then I woke up!!! Lets get real folks.
July 7th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I love windows because i like the way it restarts after every application install. And I must say this - “i’m crazy about BSOD, its so coooooool. “
July 7th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Windows is underrated as an Operating System. It’s easy to use, and (at least in the case of XP) much stabler then people give it credit for. I’ve been using XP pretty intensively for about three years now, and I’ve only had one BSOD, plus maybe one freeze-up every three or more months. Not bad. I can’t comment on the stability of Linux (I’ve used it sparingly), but on user-friendliness Linux fails–the simplicity just isn’t there.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:43 am
This website is AWESOME! I think it’s really cool that they let the developmentally disabled (retarded people) have websites of their very own! Okay lol i’m going to go back to infecting XP with viruses in my vmware! It’s zen-like and reminds me of what i used to have to put up with (Expensive under-developed shit that attracts bugs and worms and viruses, like crap tends to do). <3
July 8th, 2008 at 6:00 am
I just love how the humor and sarcasm is so lost on so many posters here :3
July 8th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! This site is really funny! By the way, I’ll stick with my Linux box. Have you ever really tried any Linux Distro? And have you ever started installing Win Vista? That’s… Just… Really… Slow… And… Bloated…
July 8th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! This site is really funny! By the way, I’ll stick with my Linux box. Have you ever really tried any Linux Distro? And have you ever started installing Win Vista? That’s… Just… Really… Slow… And… Bloated…LOL!
July 10th, 2008 at 2:48 am
Let’s see here …..
Vietnam ended in 1973-74.
More fear, hate and lies.
At least you’re consistent.
George
July 10th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I agree with u george!!
July 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Like many people in my country, we had been using linux for generations. It was all any of us knew; we didn’t think it strange. There is even a video that my grandfather posted to YouTube when he was a boy, of himself and some of the boys from the neighboring farm gathered around their dusty CRT, playing a game of Kmahjongg.
But, one day when I had just become a teenager, my older sister returned from University. She was acting strangely, like she had a terrible secret. My older brother and I approached her and asked if Rudolf, the boy she met at University, had treated her ungentlemanly - we would make him regret his behavior. She put her hand to her forehead and sobbed, “If only it was that easy!” She slowly got up and shut the door, and then checked the window to see if anyone was outside. Then she carefully withdrew something from her backpack … it was a gleaming new laptop! My brother and I crowded closer; we had heard stories of these marvelous devices, and we were excited at the thought of perhaps playing KnetHack in glorious 16 color.
My sister shushed our murmurings, and made us swear to secrecy for what she was about to show us. We gulped and agreed — what could possibly be so secret, so subversive? She opened the laptop and hit the power button — and the glorious Windows 98 logo filled the screen!
“What wizardry is this?” exclaimed my brother. “This does not look like Ubuntu …”, I volunteered. My sister put a finger to her lips and said in conspiratorial tones: “I use this at University. It is an Operating System, like Linux … but Better!”
This was too much for my brother. He shouted that “I will not be a party to this heresy!” and raced out of the room. My sister looked stricken, and told me that she hoped he would not tell the Authorities. She then asked - could she trust me with this secret? I didn’t know how to answer, but she soon showed me WordPad, with its ability to word-wrap … and I was overcome with lust for this magic. Why, I hadn’t even yet tasted the sweet nectar of .Net, or wrestled gallantly with any of the myriad versions of Outlook, or yet known the thrill of answering pointed questions for the Windows Guarantee of Authenticity. But Wordpad - sigh. Of course, I was hooked. “I will maintain our confidence,” I assured her, “but I must help my countrymen know about this amazing new tool.”
Now, of course, many things have changed in our country. Unfortunately my brother was killed in the Great OS Revolutionary War of ‘81; it may have been my bullet that killed him, for I raised a weapon in anger in that great conflict. Fortunately, the XP Horde, as we called ourselves then, was victorious, and ultimately overthrew the corrupt Stallmanists that held power in our country for so many years. I am proud to say that it is no longer a shameful thing to use a Microsoft Operating System - in fact, many people now proudly display a “M$” tattoo or elaborate piercing.
As for me - do not consider me a hero. I was merely a soldier in this Revolution of Culture, Technology & Menus, listening to my heart, and trying to follow the same dreams that my grandfather had so many years before.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Ahh, deadlycheese, your heartwarming story brought a tear to my eye as I remembered my own battles with the deviant Linux armiez. Let me tell U a story from my youth:
The Stallmanists inspect each computer built to ensure it runs F/OSS - if any proprietary software is found, the machine is destroyed. They raise their boys in the school of hard knocks - in admin training, a small boy’s misuse of arcane haXor tools (like nmap or wireshark, both illegal in civilized countries) earns a bloody lip from the hand of his own father. At age 7, each young boy is torn from his mother and makes his own way in the wilderness, to return a man and live in her basement. Even the keeper of the kernel endures this rite of passage. At age 15, young kernel-maker-to-be Linus lured an innocent puppy into a narrow passage so that he could kill it. He returned to their so-called civilisation as a hero.
An emissary from the great Windows empire visits a Stallmanist-run country. Linus refuses to make Linux part of the glorious Bill’s empire, and kills the messenger (for no reason!). Later, as the XP Horde approaches, Linus consults with Larry of Oracle to obtain his favour before sending the Stallmanist army into battle. He explains his strategy (to firewall the internets and block packets from Windows machines, especially targeting Bill Gates) to the uncaring Larry. The query from Oracle (an inferior rip-off of SQL Server) returns NULL.
Linus is reluctant to defy Larry outright, but remembers PostgreSQL (an inferor rip-off of Oracle) is more “free” and it encourages him to think outside the box. Linus elects to take 300 admins as his “bodyguard” to the strategic location. His PostgreSQL query tells him to come back with his laptop or on it (being open source, it never returns proper results since anybody can just change the code to return whatever they want).
On the road they meet some allies (from other GNU corrupted countries no doubt), who are shocked that the Stallmanists are sending such a small force. Linus asks the professions of the allied army, who are programmers and help desk employees. He points out that he has brought more admins than they.
They arrive, and strong storms have destroyed some of Bill’s servers. However, it is only a small percentage of the massive army they will face. Windows still has 90% market share after all!
ESR, a horribly disfigured man, comes to see Linus to warn him of the goatse image at the rear of his position. ESR claims that his parents fled the Stallmanist country in an effort to give him a better life with a superior OS, and hopes to redeem them by fighting for Linus. However, he is unable to use the inferior open source software. Websites just don’t work right without IE. ESR’s fondest hopes are crushed.
Another Windows emissary arrives, and finds that the laptops of the previous LAN party now makes up part of the large clustering firewall. The XP Horde states that they got rid of Sun, and the Stallmanists should stop living in the dark. The emissary’s party is kill dash nined (a communist term for ending negotiations). The next visitor is Bill himself, but Linus still refuses to come over to the right side.
Bill sends his dancing personal guard, “The Ballmers”. A few Windows machines get pwned, but many of the Linux machines are taken down, and it becomes clear that more will follow.
The Stallmanists know their fight is doomed. Linus sends one man home to tell others what has happened.
Back home, Bruce Perens has been trying to convince the council to send help to Linus. He even sleeps with some of them, but it doesn’t help. Most of them are starting to see how much better Windows really is and wondering why they can’t switch.
Surrounded by the XP Horde, Linus reboots his laptop and falls to his knees. He has finally given up trying to get wireless to work and now dual boots. But it’s a foolish struggle and he eventually wipes the Linux partition.
Yes, deadlycheese, we won these two battles, but we have to keep up the fight. Not only from the deviant Linux armiez, but also the loose collection of Mac fanboy gangs, which when lumped together outnumber even the Stallmanists.
July 11th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Oh……..the great “300 linux users”..
I tell u mine!!
I bought a new laptop. i tuned it on!! then suddenly i saw a strange “Window” Icon .. then i Pressed my power button for 5 seconds.. eventually when i machine is nearly dead … i quickly opened my cd case & moved out my ultimate weapon … It Was “Ubuntu 8.04″ dvd. then i quickly rebooted my system through it …. & killed that monster inside my little machine & gave it ultimate power… & hurray i have won the battle…
Happy end of story…
after that…
Happily ever after…Linux ROCKS!!
July 13th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
“Happily ever after…Linux ROCKS!!”
…And, one month after your wild fling with Ubuntu, a system update fucked you in the ass and gave you herpes. Ubuntu never called you back, having left for a more nubile user to infect.
Windows is the best operating system ever invented, bar none. If you disagree, you’re a terrorist.
Also, cocks.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:15 am
“Fart” stick with windows!
Pray to GOD every day!
Do good work!
Never tell a lie!
Never hurt anyone!
&
Don’t think about using LINUX,just stay in school. u cock sucker!! ==)
July 19th, 2008 at 8:44 am
i would like to splash my windows with ubuntu brown, kinda like japanese p0rn, with the hope that such a turn-on would update my micro-soft cock iNTo a genuine advantage, for the real eXPerience.
after so much genuine pleasure, all i can think of is: where do i wanna go today? or, got milk?
July 21st, 2008 at 11:14 am
boobs.
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
Dumbass loves Windows, since it behaves stupid enough to be controlled by him/her…
July 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Hi, I’m David, and I was in a Linux cult.
It all started so innocently. Install xyz distro, it’s free, will cure all of your computing problems and will take you to a new level of existence. Naively, I was in. What could go wrong?
Cult members were helpful at first. Installation problems? Go here, find this, it is what you need. Wow, all they promised was coming true!
I was a believer, I started flaming windows users. Linus was the saviour as foretold.
But then I bought the latest HP multifunction printer. You should see this thing. Does everything. Even has a kitchen sink. Plugged it into my computer. No dice?!??! WTF? Linux was supposed to take me to a new plane of existence. Now I can’t even print the latest pictures of Britney sans panties.
Patience they said. This was all part of the evil empire’s plan to hinder us said another. Be useful and go code your own friggen driver.
Now it was starting to get nasty. I was asking too many questions they didn’t want to hear. Then the threats started. They knew where I lived. Who my friends were. OMG, they wanted to sacrifice my puppies in a way I can’t mention.
I had to get out. Thank you Vista, you saved me!
I’m part of a 12 step program now. There is a God. I need to make amends.
My group still has problems with admitting that Linus is not a higher power. But hey, one step at a time.
This is my story. Don’t let it happen to you. Get out while you still can. There is more to life than downloading free porn.